This man needs to talk to someone – perhaps a friend or counsellor could help him.

As a qualified counsellor/therapist, I’ve long known that not expressing your emotions is harmful to mental and physical health.  But a new US study[1] confirms that burying your feelings actually increases the risk of premature death by more than a third.  The findings, published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research, are even more worrying when looking at particular diseases such as heart disease and cancer, which have an increased risk of 47% and 70% respectively.

We all face challenges in our lives and develop different coping mechanisms, some more healthy than others! During my 16 years of private practice, I have helped several clients who have turned to food, drink, drugs, smoking or gambling in an attempt to distract themselves from how they are feeling.  Others use activities such as shopping or excessive work to mask their anxieties.   But failing to address the root cause of troubling feelings by airing them is damaging.    We may believe that by refusing to acknowledge our feelings we are in control but, in fact, it’s what we suppress that controls us.  That’s because keeping a lid on our emotions blocks other positive emotions from coming to the fore, preventing us from drawing on our inner resources.

Furthermore, avoidance is not always effective and repressed emotion will usually leak out.  Anger, for instance, often manifests itself in passive-aggressive behaviour.   We may be relatively successful in blocking out worries or conflict in our conscious state, but when we sleep our subconscious takes over and unresolved issues can manifest themselves in recurring dreams or nightmares.   Frequently, emotional distress is somatised, expressing itself in physical symptoms affecting various parts of the body; commonly the head, neck, shoulders and stomach.

As this latest research proves, it is far healthier long-term to confront issues that are troubling us and work through them with a skilled counsellor/therapist in a safe, secure environment.  The renowned author Hermann Hesse explains, “Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.”   Expressing your feelings can put them in perspective.  Certainly, venting your anger is healthier than simmering with unexpressed rage.

Many may be fearful of unleashing long-suppressed emotions.  This is particularly true of men who, from childhood, have the message drummed into them that “men don’t cry”. But find the counsellor/therapist who is right for you and you will discover that you feel safe and supported enough to explore your feelings in a caring, non-judgmental environment. This will not only bring you fulfilment and inner peace but also, as this study shows, live a longer, healthier life.

To discuss, in strict confidence, how I can help you find a way through difficulties that prevent you from leading a fulfilling life, call me on 07957 418 985 or email.

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